Source: You should’ve asked
It is volunteer appreciation week. Volunteering has been a huge part of my life since childhood. Currently I can attribute much of my current self and growth to my volunteer work with my local babywearing group.
When I first decided to volunteer with the Hampton Roads chapter of Babywearing International, I never imagined I’d be so thoroughly involved with the organization on the local and national level four years later. My work with the organization has given me new friends, introduced me to many new people, and forced me to grow as an individual in various ways.
A couple of the biggest areas of growth are my communication and leadership abilities and the sense of community it has brought me. I never imagined I’d be the Chapter President of anything, yet somehow it works and I’m actually quite good at my job. Meetings tend to push me out of my comfort zone by requiring I be personable and outgoing. I’m exhausted after the fact, but the switch in personality is second nature by this point and more genuine than forced.
The biggest benefit has been the community of volunteers I’ve had the pleasure of working with. The nature of the group means this base is ever changing. At the core of each volunteer is a person willing to give their time to grow this organization that has changed their lives as it has changed mine. A huge thanks to all the volunteers of past present and future that are making our babywearing group and inclusive and welcoming space.
April is right around the corner and it is Autism “Awareness” Month, which I prefer to call Autism Acceptance Month. A singular word choice doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it makes a huge difference. Society is quite aware that autism exists. Just because people know that Autism is a thing, does not mean they really get it or accept the presence of autists in society. Acceptance and awareness are two very different things. Acceptance is what we should be promoting this April, not merely awareness.
E is autistic. Her doctor asked me again during our last health check how I feel about it. After hearing this well meaning but ridiculous question for the hundredth time, I informed her that “it really isn’t a big deal as I am also autistic.” For some reason she was shocked by this tidbit and went on to tell me the importance of not divulging such medical information to just anyone. Clearly she doesn’t understand autism as well as I had hoped.
Autism is measured on a spectrum. Some traits will be at different ranges of said spectrum than others. Additionally females are greatly underdiagnosed as most diagnostic criteria is tailored to males. I present as rather neurotypical with some quirks. Society doesn’t see me as autistic. I am not a savant, I am not developmentally delayed, I excelled academically, and I am perfectly capable of making eye contact and socializing. I’m very good at making myself look like I fit in, a trait common to autistic females, yet at the same time I never really fit. After my diagnosis, it was a bit of a relief to finally have an explanation as to why meeting social expectations was so taxing. The understanding it brought me has allowed me to relax in social settings and embrace my less sociable habits. Not everyone I encounter accepts this.
Sure they are aware that autism exists and expect everyone to be like this one autistic they saw in the media or in a movie. They don’t really understand the breadth of the neurodivergence. Nor do they accept autism’s prominence in society. If you don’t fit each check box, then you don’t count as autistic and you should make yourself act like a normal person. We need acceptance of our existence and acceptance of our variances. Acceptance, not awareness.
I’m pretty certain day lights savings time was created purely to inconvenience parents. It throws the household off for a week. In my current sleep deprived state, I can’t image what benefits this time change offers that can outweigh the added stress in every home affected with small children. At least the kids are cute.
Our house came with a blue eyesore of a bathroom. It wasn’t a big deal until we realized the plaster behind the tiles in the shower was a soggy, crumbling mess. My husband took down all the tiling and installed new shower worthy backer board. And then it sat in that state for ages. Eventually, I decided to quit postponing the repair and hired Jon from Claus Custom Carpentry and Home Improvements to renovate the bathroom. He installed new tiling, replaced trim, and painted the tub and walls. The room is a totally new space that stands up perfectly to use.
It’s funny, really, how such seemingly small things can have huge impacts. In fall of 2009 I was a second classman at a federal service academy preparing to spend the next six months working within the maritime industry. Then one day I brok out in a few hives. I never would have imagined that this insignificant, yet new, occurance would completely change my life.
Those hives disappeared. But then they came back, again and again all over my body. There is no rhyme or reason. Allergists all dismiss the condition out of hand. “They’ll go away on their own” they say. It’s not taken seriously until you’ve lived a miserable existence continually plagued by hot swollen patches for at least six weeks. Once you’ve passed that check point there aren’t actually any solutions to the problem. They’ll tell you it’s probably autoimmune, but autoimmune testing isn’t expansive or precise enough to be sure. It is seven years later and my hives and I have learned to coexist.
Back on topic, one day I broke out in hives, and the next 3 months were a whirlwind of classes, obligations, time in the campus medical center, and shuffling to appointments with various specialists as the campus clinic tried to figure out what the problem was. Finally an allergist determined it was chronic idiopathic urticaria and angioedema, meaning I have chronic hives and swelling for no known reason. Great! I had a kind of sort of answer. Now I could continue on with my well planned out life. Or so I thought.
Evidently that little word at the end, angioedema meant that everything needed to change. The swelling that accompanies my hives could potentially cause too much swelling in my throat, leading to anaphylactic shock (such as with severe allergic reactions). It hasn’t in the seven years I’ve had them. But the potential is there. Because of this possibility, it was deemed unsafe for me to work at sea or to serve in the military. Both of these were requirements for my education.
And just like that I was thrown off course and sent in a new uncertain direction. These hives can make me miserable and leave me in a general state of discomfort on the regular basis. Yet at the same time I must thank them for everything I’ve now built around me. Without them, I’d never had changed schools, never have had kids so early into adulthood, never had been given the opportunity to stay home with said children, and never have found the communities of friends I so cherish now.
Thank you, you miserable hives, for all the pain and wonder you’ve brought to my life. Without you retched things I wouldn’t be where I am today. Nor would I be the person you’ve forced me to become. So thank you. Now please bugger off and never come back again.
For more information: What Is Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria (Hives)?
If you’re my Facebook friend you’ve probably noticed my numerous posts asking questions about resumes and job applications. It’s been five years since I considered a career. Needless to say I’ve needed a refresher on the topic and my resume major updates. My friends and google have been of great assistance on this matter.
Upon graduation from college in January 2012, I had a job lined up at a large shipyard and was considering graduate school. But then I realized that now wasn’t the time to start a career. I wanted kids and I wanted them while I was younger and before I established a career. I did not want to start a profession to then take a break once children came along. Plenty of women have kids and continue working. Others welcome a time away from employment mid career. I am not one of those people.
I am wired to need to see things through. I hate starting something I cannot continue with till completion. Be it a sewing project, extracurricular activity, or life stage. Because of this I chose to start parenthood now. I had finished school and was at a fork in the road, parenthood or career. Most do these simultaneously and even starting to work now I will as well. But I’ve also got one child in school and another ready for preschool. These past 4 years at home raising the tiny humans have helped form them into who they are now. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I figure school aged children can afford for me to not be at home 24/7 as they are not home that entire time themselves.
All these whirling thoughts have led me to to today. I’ve actually submitted a job application, updated my resume, and currently actively job search. It’s time for the next adventure.
My best friend decided to go full force into healthy eating and fitness. Now she’s super fit and feeling fantastic. Her motivational posts make it sound like a really great idea to follow suit. Plus well I hate when my clothes don’t fit right. At this very moment I’m super motivated.
But it’s also midnight. By time I wake up I’ll probably have lost all will to try. I tend to lose interest in things quickly and lack dedication. I’m pretty certain it’s one of my autist tendencies. However, I really want this to work out. There are so many positives and no negatives.
So I’m putting it out there. If I chat about it with the world, surely it will be more difficult for me to just back out come sunshine. That’s the idea behind this post anyway. Come morning, I will make an active effort to utilize my overpriced gym membership. (This is a must as my budget is screaming at me for my waste.) I will manage and stick to a clean meal plan, and I’ll quit with the eating out so frequently. (Again, budget.) Maybe if I think of healthy living in relation to money management it will work out better. I do love numbers.
Wish me luck!
One of the harder facets to being married to a merchant mariner is the frequent and abrupt changes in day to day life. Anyone who’s dealt with a partner leaving for extended travel understands how life sort of stops before and after as you dedicate all free time to making moments before they leave and once they return home. Plus once they are back home, you must readjust the household to be a joint venture rather than a distance one. Now take that practice and repeat it every 4-6 months for years. It’s difficult to imagine. It is also our life.
We are very lucky that Casey has found a ship he loves working on with coworkers he enjoys. Before this ship, our schedule was more turbulent. Casey works 7 days a week and 8 hours minimum each day. It’s a lot and can be wearing. He also spends half the year out at sea, a quarter to a third in the shipyard, and the remainder on leave.
The upside to this is he gets 2 months off for every 4+ consecutive months he works. They’re completely off 24 hours a day for 60 days. I adore my husband, absolutely head over heels, but man that is a lot of one on one time. The first few weeks are wonderful, catching up and experiencing that “post deployment bliss”. Then it gets tiring. I want to spend as much time together as I can because as soon as he leaves, he’s gone again. But at the same time I miss the independent life I have when he’s not home. I neglect my friends and hardly see them as frequently as I usually do. And I hold off on activities in order to make them family events, reducing my usual spontaneity. It’s also why blogging falls by the wayside.
We are several years in and still working to find balance for out ever shifting lives. Currently, Casey is newly home from a month at sea and is working long shifts preparing the ship for a repair period. Soon it will become our normal, and then our normal will change again with the next adventure. Luckily we are well practiced in the art of hellos and goodbyes.