I went through five outfits today before settling on one of the first choices unhappily. I’m bloated, my skin is a disaster, and I just feel unpretty. Each outfit made me feel self conscious in some way, mostly an ever protruding muffin top that appeared after the birth of the second child. The skin of a pubescent teenager didn’t help my mood. I felt uncomfortable in my skin, and I still do. At least my sweats and tee shirt let me feel adequately hidden.
After I had E I felt like a rockstar. I created and birthed an amazing little human. The gained weight fell off with breastfeeding. I felt confidant and happy with my appearance. No one told me how different the second round would be. I lost weight after A but my body was different. Clothes no longer fit as they should, jeans cut into me, looking lumpy. Then perinatal depression lead to weight gain. The medication helps mentally, but it doesn’t change my appearance. Now not only do the clothes sit funny, they also no longer fit.
I love myself and am generally confidant. I get that diet and exercise could help. That’s not the point. I shouldn’t have to loose weight or match some ideal to be happy with my appearance. Society has taught me for so long that body lumps are unattractive that it is hard to get past now that I am on the other side of the approved norm. I feel unpretty and self conscious. It’s a damn shame.