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jkpenney

Babywearing Educator, Parent, Advocate

Month

November 2016

Getting into Fitness

My best friend decided to go full force into healthy eating and fitness. Now she’s super fit and feeling fantastic. Her motivational posts make it sound like a really great idea to follow suit. Plus well I hate when my clothes don’t fit right. At this very moment I’m super motivated. 

But it’s also midnight. By time I wake up I’ll probably have lost all will to try. I tend to lose interest in things quickly and lack dedication. I’m pretty certain it’s one of my autist tendencies. However, I really want this to work out. There are so many positives and no negatives. 

So I’m putting it out there. If I chat about it with the world, surely it will be more difficult for me to just back out come sunshine. That’s the idea behind this post anyway. Come morning, I will make an active effort to utilize my overpriced gym membership. (This is a must as my budget is screaming at me for my waste.) I will manage and stick to a clean meal plan, and I’ll quit with the eating out so frequently. (Again, budget.) Maybe if I think of healthy living in relation to money management it will work out better. I do love numbers. 

Wish me luck!

Life of a Mariner’s Wife

One of the harder facets to being married to a merchant mariner is the frequent and abrupt changes in day to day life. Anyone who’s dealt with a partner leaving for extended travel understands how life sort of stops before and after as you dedicate all free time to making moments before they leave and once they return home. Plus once they are back home, you must readjust the household to be a joint venture rather than a distance one. Now take that practice and repeat it every 4-6 months for years. It’s difficult to imagine. It is also our life. 

We are very lucky that Casey has found a ship he loves working on with coworkers he enjoys. Before this ship, our schedule was more turbulent. Casey works 7 days a week and 8 hours minimum each day. It’s a lot and can be wearing. He also spends half the year out at sea, a quarter to a third in the shipyard, and the remainder on leave. 

The upside to this is he gets 2 months off for every 4+ consecutive months he works. They’re completely off 24 hours a day for 60 days. I adore my husband, absolutely head over heels, but man that is a lot of one on one time. The first few weeks are wonderful, catching up and experiencing that “post deployment bliss”. Then it gets tiring. I want to spend as much time together as I can because as soon as he leaves, he’s gone again. But at the same time I miss the independent life I have when he’s not home. I neglect my friends and hardly see them as frequently as I usually do. And I hold off on activities in order to make them family events, reducing my usual spontaneity. It’s also why blogging falls by the wayside. 

We are several years in and still working to find balance for out ever shifting lives. Currently, Casey is newly home from a month at sea and is working long shifts preparing the ship for a repair period. Soon it will become our normal, and then our normal will change again with the next adventure. Luckily we are well practiced in the art of hellos and goodbyes. 

Casey and E holding hands and walking along a docking area
Casey and E holding hands and walking along a docking area

Saying Goodbye

Loss can conjure up an array of emotions: sadness, emptiness, peace, love, fear, loneliness, and more. My family and many others recently said goodbye to a beautiful soul. Miss Kitty was a remarkable woman who had a way of touching the lives of every person she met. I’ve only known Kitty these past 8 years, which is nothing to the near 90 she spent earthside, and I will always treasure the time I was gifted with her. 

It is saddening to realize the girls will not grow up experiencing the peace and joy that is synonymous with time spent with their great grandmother. Thankfully she passed on many of her best traits to Kitten, her daughter and my mother in law: how to engage each moment, to give some of yourself to those in need, and to leave those you know feeling cherished. I hope Kitty is enjoying her next great adventure. She will be missed. 

An elderly white woman holding a newborn Asian baby in a rocking chair
Kitty holding a newborn A
An elderly woman at a table with Casey and A
Kitty celebrating E and A’s birthdays

Growth After Relevation


A year ago today I sat in a parking lot after a meet up and started drafting a post for tumblr. It was about how babywearing helps me to survive. I never published this post, nor did I finish it. Half way through writing it I broke down in tears. It wasn’t Turing out as I expected it to. Instead I could only focus on how awfully difficult life felt parenting two kids all day long. A year ago today I realized I needed help. 

That following week, I made an appointment with a therapist and started to actively work at becoming myself again. Until this point I was just going through the motions and barely hanging on. Postpartum was not as easy the second time around. Anxiety and depression snuck up on me through the year after A’s birth. I didn’t acknowledge it till she was 13 months old. 

No one tells you to watch for post partum depression much after the first few month. You figure if it’s going to happen that it will be obvious and earlier. That’s not always true. It’s probably not even mostly true. A psychologist referred to my changed mood as adjustment disorder. That’s probably accurate. 

If you feel down, or even just indifferent, talk to someone. As I’ve described it before, sometimes you just stop caring and have a harder time finding patience. Not everyone will feel strong negative emotions. If you feel off, speak up. You don’t have to deal with life alone. 

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